May 22, 2013 | 05:18 PM (BD Time)
22 May, 2013 Wednesday
Positive parenting helps balance child development
Rifat Zafreen :
Afnan is a very happy child. He is always smiling, gentle, quiet obedient and social. His other mates are not like him. Seeing Afnan, parents of his mates and friends ask Afnan's parents the secret behind his goodness and modesty. They very eagerly answer - Positive Parenting, which is not with a rigid idea, changes with the pace of time.
Raising a child is not so easy. It is so difficult that almost everyday, there comes an inevitable moment when parents want to rip their hair out and scream at the top of their lungs to their children that they did enough, although the children might never admit which they would relate when they are parents someday.
As a parent, it is normal that he/she would get plenty of advice on how to control one's children, how to discipline them, how to make them listen to their parents. In most of the cases, the parents received such advice from their own parents or from the elderly family members while they were growing up. Asking for help in this regard is definitely a good thing but one should always remember that time has changed a lot. Children now a day are exposed to many things, which were completely unknown to the parents of these days while they were growing up. So one must keep in mind that parenting technique must keep up with the changes in order to be effective and so have effective parenting impact.
Effective parenting can help to have a healthy relationship with the children while at the same time instilling in them those values one has cherished and want to pass on to the future generation. Child and adolescent psychiatrists opine, parenting as a process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social and intellectual development of a child from its infancy to adulthood. People who try to tell that parents can not make mistakes are not right in any way. Parents sometimes overlook their child's bad behaviour hoping that he or she grow out of it, make it a policy not to discuss drugs or alcohol problems in the family, make excuses to school authorities to get their child out of trouble.
Parents usually do this to keep their children from being unhappy, to give their children the benefit of doubt and to keep peace in the family. But despite their good intensions this does exactly the opposite. Every parents want their children to be polite, respectful, attentive, caring and responsible. Parents should remember, it is not unusual for a child to misbehave or disobey. Children usually do so because they are upset about something they can not communicate with their parents. It may be because of something happen in school or because they are jealous of their siblings or simply because they want their parents spend time with them.
In this situation, the best thing is to talk to the children and listen to what they tell. children always try to test their boundaries by crossing lines. By conversing openly with them, parents can tell them exactly what they expect from their children in terms of behaviour at home and outside, schoolwork, chores. Often when parents shout at their children, they may remain confused about what they have done wrong and get resentful towards their parents. Parents should avoid using abusive language which humiliates them.
Sometimes parents need to help their children find the right words to describe how they are feeling. It is best to be patient even if this takes time. Whenever parents refuse their child something, be it a new toy or permission to sleepover at a friend's place, parents should always try to explain to them why they are saying no, instead of telling them to listen to them without question. This creates mutual respect and understanding between parents and children.
As child grows up and rules start to change, parents should have discussion with them about new rules and come to a compromise. As children grow up, they will try to establish themselves as individuals and want more independence.
This must be encouraged by allowing to do things for themselves like picking out their own clothes, studying alone, choosing how to decorate their rooms but at the sametime if has to be made sure that they do not cross their boundaries.
As the children grow older and more aware of their surroundings. They will have questions about sex, drugs, alcohol etc. However uncomfortable this make the parents, they must create an environment of trust and acceptance, so the children are comfortable enough to bring these topics up with the parents. They should talk openly and candidly about these subjects so that the children do not go to other unreliable sources of information.
Physical punishment is not an appropriate solution to the problem of the children, rather parents should aim at discouraging their children from repeating doing the same wrong. Parents must avoid drastic consequences like sending them away from home, shaming and disrespecting or calling their name inappropriately and ineffectively.
Parents must always show their children and tell them how much they love their children. Physical affection such as hugs, kisses and verbal reassurance of love will give the children a sense of safety and security which will allow the children to explore other relationships and situations confidently. They must be consistent with their love and affection even when they are being difficult and abusive. Parents must follow and maintain a large system in raising their children as there is a large system to deal with. Children learn from their teachers, neighbors, friends and extended families. Since too many systems may not confuse the children, parents need to communicate with their children about the education they ore receiving outside their homes and rein fore their teachings. Children should always be praised when they do something positive. Children should also be giv
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